best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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