Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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