dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
