Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
