So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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