Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
