He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
