I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
