I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Are my feet made of real feet?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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