I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
