we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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