Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
