Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
