In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
