Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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