I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
So much rum. So many feels.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
