Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
