A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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