She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
