I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
