while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
