Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
