physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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