Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
