my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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