Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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