I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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