break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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