We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
