do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
