the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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