i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
