u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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