So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
