p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
