took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
