i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
