reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I want to be your penis for a week.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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