The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Randomize
