i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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