he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
