I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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