don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
she peed on how many people?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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