I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I think people are normalizing furries
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
