it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
dude i'm inner monologue high
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
