there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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