I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
