hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
