Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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