Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
So squirting runs in the family.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize