Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
