my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
