overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
