You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
