I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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