I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
His nipple licking is glorious
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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