Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize