he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
