The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
