Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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