checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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