Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
