for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
3pm strippers are depressing
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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