I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
