I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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