Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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