Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
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