oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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