Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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