it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Just pee around me
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
