So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize