Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
