Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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