I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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