U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
True college students do jello shots in the library
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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