just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
