Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
