Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize