Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
