Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
