god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
