YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
