I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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