he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
