Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
So here I am, sexting at work.
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