I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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