I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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