the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I need a beard to bite.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
