when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
