i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
