i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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