We should be called the Road Head Warriors
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
