Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
There's a naked man in my car right now.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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