shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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