Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
