No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
