You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize